This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Thursday, 30 June 2011

Off to see de physchaitrist

Ullo dere Bosco, I hopes you dont mind me reveelin your confiddential meddical records, but I fink it will help peeple to unnderstand your plihgt.

We went to see de physchaitrist Dr Fraud, who looked after Bosco a few weeks ago when we was stayin wiv Damain Thopmson in de Mabeldurrum Home for de Dangerously Loony. Poor Bosco he cant sleep he wakes up in de nihgt cryin "Keep dem cement iddles away from me! De Pope's gonna burn me! Eccles you is reely Hilda! I aint saved!"

Dr Fraud says dere is nuffin to worry about Bosco... he will write to de Pope pussonally to ask him not to burn you, and also dat Jessus phoned him up to say you is probbably saved too, but keep writtin your luvly blogg to be absolutley certtain of Salivation, all de folks in Heaven is waitin for de next installmeant. We can't do much about Bosco's bad dreams about cement iddles, but Dr Fraud he gonna double de dose of Fruitcakol, de meddicine for dem wots got severe halluccinations.

We asked Dr Fraud if he wanted to keep Bosco in for obbservation, and he started foammin at de mouf and hittin his own head against de wall, I fink dat means not just now.

Meanwhile, dey is startin to do some converssions to de Calumny Chappel, so dat we can have a larger torcher chamber in de bassement. De workman broke his pickax and asked us "Eccles and Bosco, does you have a pickax to lend me for de converssions?" Bosco he replies, yes, he had been usin one on some Cathlics only other day. He werent sure if dey was converted now, but he had made some major adjusments to deir faces.

Bosco, dere bruvver, if you is feelin a little better now, has you got any oppinions on dis Cathlic iddle? Why is it standin by a grabage bin?

Pitcher of Cathlic iddle C3PO

Wednesday, 29 June 2011

Bosco's money aint saved

Well, Bosco my dere bruvver, I is very unhappy dat you didnt get $100,000,000 as a leggasy from Jessus, even thuogh it was promissed you by Mrs Condi Gulible of Jordan's Bank. In fact dey seem to have taken most of de money out of your bank account as a commision, leavin you just 30 silver dollars (dat makes you just like your grate herro St Judas Iscarrot).

Anyway Bosco have got hisself a new finnancial adviser who gonna help him track down de missin leggasy from Jessus. Here he is:

Bosco's finnancial adviser

Alass, we has been too busy wiv dis probblem to deal with other maters, such as de Bibble classes ect. but Bosco my dere you should not rellent in your endless pursuit of gravven imagges, and here is one dat I fink is partickerly worryin, as it looks like a Maddona and Child, dem Cathlics bin worshippin dis I am sure, Bosco.

Maddona and Child

Tuesday, 28 June 2011

Bosco is de hare of Jessus

Ullo darlin bruvver Bosco, I is gonna tell de good people why you has been speshully selected by Jessus.

Bosco he got an email dis morning from

Dere Bosco,

We is de lawyers of de late Jessus Christ what went to Heaven wivout leevin a will. He left some cash in de Bank of Jordan, and dis has been accruin compound interrest for de last 2000 years. We now has a sum of $100,000,000 to award to de hares of dis Jessus, and after some enquirries we has assertained dat dis is you. Pleese Bosco send your name, address, date of birf, bank account detales and list of your favourite sinns to us, and we will arrange payment of de inherritance of dis Jessus.

Yours sincerely,
Condi Gulible (Mrs), Manager, Bank of Jordan.

Dat's grate news an Bosco is in de munny. Wot it is to be a speshully selected person who is luvd by Jessus as well as by his darlin bruvver Eccles who would like $100 to buy some cement as he is goin back to makin statues of your favorite saints.

Bosco, dis is an iddle dat Cathlics kiss, it was originally de Roman God Washington, but dey has renamed it St Peter aint dat a scandal.

Cement iddle

Monday, 27 June 2011

Bosco's new vestmeants

Ullo Bosco my dear bruvver, how is your head now? You see we went to de Calumny Chappel on Sundy mornin to here Pastor Izemilk preech on "Is your money saved?" Dey is doin rennovations where de local nuns smashed in de chappel door, and dere was a sign saying "Mind your head". We all ducked as we went in except for Bosco who refusses to bow to anyfink, and he smashed is head. Luckilly its pretty sollid, Mom says I is de one wiv all de branes of de fambly.

Well, we continues wiv our Bibble classes wiv Father X. O’ Cise, who is feelin much better but still carries a big stick just in case Bosco gits too enfusiastic. Todday we had de storry of Jessus turning water into wine, it don’t make a grate deal of sense as dere was dis dame Mary his muvver who told him to do it, dats just bossy innit? All de geusts got drunk and went and beet up de begars in de street. It don’t actaully say dat in de Bibble but dats what Bosco and me does at parties.

De Cathlics have recomendded a special vestmeant for Bosco when he goes to de Bible classes, dat must be a mark of favvor. Here is a pitcher of Bosco in de clerrical vestmeants, dey has sleeves dat fasten at de back.

Pitcher of Bosco

Sunday, 26 June 2011

Cuttin off de ears of priests

Ullo agin, Bosco my dere bruvver, wot a luvly day it is today, and you will see I posted a nice photo of you on my blogg, doin de good work of de Lord in smitin all dem what is unsaved, startin wiv de Cathlics.

Well Bosco we dont want to be frown off our course of religiuos studies so I fink you gotta apologise to Mrs Bede, de housekeeper of Father Enzy. I know its a misunderstandin, when you heard dat she was called Rosemary Bede you fought she was somethin iddolatross, but you gotta take dem Dopoblok tablits more regulally. You could also go and visit her in hopsital, Bosco dere.

Fr Enzy told us today about Jessus choosin de apostels, and one of dem is a baddie who aint saved, but its a whodunnit we cant geuss which yet. Bosco he admirres St Peter, cos he heard dat he is a great guy who cuts priests ears off (like we does sometimes on Fridday nihgts when we is havin fun) so it can't be him wots bad. Bosco finks he would like a stattue of St Peter in his room dat he can kiss every nihgt, so we gonna see if we can git one.

Bosco bin practisin cuttin de ears off priests, and here is a pitcher of one of his victims.

Pitcher of Van Gohg

Saturday, 25 June 2011

I gotta blogg

For dem what hasn't seen him before, dis is my bruvver Bosco goin off to convert some Cathlics.

Bruvver Bosco
I gotta blogg of my own now, and so I will set de sceene for new reeders.

Dis blogg tells de story of me, Eccles, and my big bruvver Bosco, wot lives in Callifornia and attends de Calumny Chappel. I has been recordin our life story on Damain Thopmson's blogg, but I is now takin a leef out of my bruvver's book and writtin a luvly blogg of my own. However I aint gonna write so much about goin to de tiolet, as Bosco does all dat stuff on his blogg. Mom finks he's a bit rood.

I tends to foller Bosco in most fings, and his main idea is dat we has been saved becos Jessus keeps talkin to us (sometimes by telehpone, and sometimes frew de air condittionin system). So we is allowed to do wot we likes as we is washed in de blud of de Labm and our sins is forgivven. Sometimes we is washed in uvver blud as well, as we has runnin battles wiv de Cathlics, and Bosco he has been beeten up sevveral times by nunns.

Bosco and I is also very worried about iddles and graven images, which is wot de Cathlics worhsip. Dis have been a probblem for us many times. I will post some exampples later.

Still, Bosco he was feelin dat he needed to explor new direxions in thoelogy, so we is attendin Cathlic instruxion coarses. At de momment we is explorin de Bibble, and de life of Jessus. Did you know dat he was borne in a stabble? We can beet that, as Bosco he was found in a dutsbin. Mom put him dere for safety, just before de grabbage truck came round.

In our last lesson, Bosco got very cross wiv de Cathlic preist, Fr Xalvador Pell de Mons, cos in his room he had a children's book wiv a pitcher of a pengiun on de cover. Bosco fought it was a nunn and went bersek. Here is Polly de Nunn, she aint so dangrous, is she?

Polly de nunn