This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Sunday, 26 February 2017

Giving up the Pope for Lent

1. There was a young man called Eccles, who was known for his rigid humility and mercy: so much so that everyone said that he must be saved.

2. This Eccles wrote a lovely blog, which provided spiritual nourishment to all who read it.

N.B. The above verses do not appear in all versions of the Bible.

3. Now, the time of Lent was fast approaching, in which men were encouraged to give up wordly things, and to engage in spiritual deeds.

R2D2 and C3PO in the desert

Into the wilderness for Lent.

4. "But what can I give up?" asked Eccles. "Shall it be chocolate? Or the strong drink that rageth? Or shall I stop sitting in my shed of an evening poking fun at Fr James Martin SJ?"

5. And there came a wise woman to Eccles who said to him, "Why not give up the Pope for Lent?"

6. This would indeed be a great sacrifice. For leading a life that ignored all the deeds of Pope Francis would cause all sorts of deprivation.

 Henry VIII statue

No longer shall we read of the Pope's attending Anglican services and genuflecting to Henry VIII.

7. "Where shall I be without a regular 'INSULT FOR THE DAY' arriving in my mailbox?" wondered Eccles.

8. "Can I possibly survive without knowing which Catholic doctrines have been made ambiguous, or without hearing the latest off-the-cuff pronouncements when the Holy Father rideth in his chariot of the air, that which is known as Pope Force 1?"

9. "Will it not grieve me to know not the latest indignities that have been heaped upon Cardinal Burke, who is fast becoming a rival to Job as a man of suffering?"

10. "It is true that I shall not miss the answers to the five dubia, for Pope Francis hath constructed a giant thinking machine called Deep Thought which will not report on this matter for another seven and a half million years."

Deep Thought

The priests await Deep Thought's answers to the dubia.

11. "In my Eccsit from papal news, I shall also be obliged to spend forty days and forty nights without hearing aught of Fr Antonio Spadaro, of Austen Ivereigh, of Cardinals Kasper, Marx, Cupich, Coccopalmiero and the rest. Will I be able to bear it?"

12. "It is true that I cannot totally forget Pope Francis - for he hath asked us all to pray for the people that hate us. Thus everyone who attendeth Mass is encouraged to pray for the Pope - for nobody's hatred for us is like unto his!"

13 "Still, he is not commonly mentioned elsewhere in the Mass, except perchance in the homilies of Fr Arthur, in which there is a great scowling and rolling of eyes whenever the catchphrase Amoris Laetitia is uttered."

14. Thus Eccles weighed up the matter in his heart, and decided that passing Lent in a Pope-free manner would be good for his soul and his blood pressure.

15. He would also have more time for spiritually nourishing reading, such as the words of Michael Coren, he who later decided to eat them.

books

Still, there are other possibilities.

16. And so it came to pass that the Pope cried in the wilderness and Eccles heard him not.

32 comments:

  1. But I'm confused. Surely if the Pope is infallible, your dislike of him and his pontifications (I've always wanted to use that word in context) are irrelevant?

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    1. Dislike? I love being insulted.

      He's only infallible under very limited circumstances, not in everything he says and does.

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    2. Only infallible when speaking ex-cathedra, from Peters chair on points of doctrine! Not the plane or off the cuff!

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    3. For any Pope to say anything infallibly, he must first be a Catholic...

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  2. "A Pope is not infallible in his laws, nor in his commands, nor in his acts of state, nor in his administration, nor in his public policy." Newman, Letter to the Duke of Norfolk, Section 5, "Conscience" http://www.newmanreader.org/works/anglicans/volume2/gladstone/section5.html

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  3. Are you seriously giving him up for Lent? This is hilarious AND food for thought, because I am in the process of figuring out how to best observe Lent, and even bigger things. This probably tends to come up for people whenever they observe their church and faith being torn apart by dogs. After awhile, must we continue watching? I'm ready to sit it out, I believe. It's not going to be easy, by no means, I'm hooked on getting the daily news, but it is not healthy spiritually, and I have to consider my own BP as well. Perhaps by Easter I too will be smiling serenely, remaining unfazed when I hear that only practicing homosexuals with little boy obsessions shall forthwith be admitted to seminaries.

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    1. Say it ain't so, but...I know not whether you refer to Dominicanis or plain Canis, but both have a healthy respect for doctrine and obedience, even to Truth !
      It would I think have to be that pesky serpent who would poison minds and consciences !
      To offer enlightenment, an increase in faith, and even cheer for those those who are penitent and hopeful - strap on an Lorica an Naomh Pádraig and I suggest reading the the words of Grossvater Joseph and Umiłowany Karol....

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  4. Good grief ! I was simply going to Achieve Enlightenment from the Mighty Favog (clearly a cousin of Deep Thought). Plan A also included whole hearted embracing of Mardi Gras, where I hoped to meet and revel with AntiMony.
    But...if I give up this pope for Lent, why - I am freed to eat lobster on Fridays and steak on Saturday night.....oh the menu options are now beyond imagination !
    However, since this is my first reading of these verses; I must seek Discernment of Meaning and Context in Accord with These Times. Indeed, after the manner of the Spirited Exercises, I shall commence Lectio Divina, a verse every other day. Better order some Madeira.
    Wait ! AntiMony and I could walk this Spiritual Pilgrimage together, or even she might consent to being my spiritual guide ! [I Googled "spiritual guide", but all I get is results for "spirit guide". I'm going to need some crystals and I better schedule a palm reading. Oh wait, the Church has that covered.] Where are deaconesses when one needs them ?

    NO ! No, it cannot be ! How naive I am ! Verse 3 clearly states that this is time is for men. Just men. No inclusive diversity here....YET ! I can surreptitiously participate - I have last year's hair shirt. (fortuitous note: I accidentally gave it a good soaking in fabric softener before putting it into storage.)

    Off to string a few antediluvian rosaries together and then to put the final touches on the float. This year it's the castle Skalka - lots of clowns and balloons !



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    1. This is a traditional translation of holy scripture, made before inclusive language was invented.

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    2. sure, sure... that's what you say....... now...
      I'll see your uberambiguously rigid casuistical phariseeism (traditional translation of extratraditional versification) and raise you,...well, no,... I can't bring myself to play the "She told me so" card when it isn't even Mardi Gras. Sufferin' succotash.

      [BTW, AntiMony is AntiMoly's twin sister. Easily identified by the familial trait of being all thumbs. Both of them The sisters, not the thumbs]

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  5. But, the Pope is like our Lord! If you give Him up, then he will give you up and... oh wait... that's the whole idea, huh?

    BTW about the infallibility, mere logic concludes that either Jesus was wrong or this Pope is wrong and I doubt anybody in his right min...

    The General of the Jesuits: "Jesus Too Must Be Reinterpreted"

    OK THAT'S IT I TAKE THE SOCCER BALL WITH ME AND GO HOME, NOW.

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  6. Great idea! I've been having the same pondering. (Ponderence?) Anyway, it would be grand if I could force myself to read from real spiritual reading (not that yours isn't!) for Lent for spiritual benefit. And for the already mentioned BP benefit. I'll give it a try.

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  7. I laughed... and then I added it to my Lenten list.

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  8. Am I allowed to give up my reading of The Tablet? I have been considering this for some time now although I have not seen a copy around here since I came here 43 years ago. We Aussies thought that it was an electronic thing but we suspect that its not.

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  9. I thought this was going to be a typical article. They don't all appeal to me. Some are very funny, some less so, but I am not sure that I have ever taken one seriously before.

    Sitting in Mass not getting annoyed when his name is mentioned. Not considering walking out or swapping my planned collection for that 5p I have in my back pocket as punishment for being made to listen to his (carefully selected) wisdom.
    This makes anything else I could do appear easy. Perhaps I should try it.
    James

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  10. This thinking is too black and white and not sufficiently grey.

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  11. LOL most entertaining, Bruvver Eccles. Mind you, giving up the Pope for Lent sound like less of a penance and more like a treat. Like, everyday of Lent would be Pancake Day.

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  12. BTW, my fav line is, "a pope-free lent would be good for his soul and his blood pressure." I did giggleth.

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  13. Eccles, is this wise? If you give up the Pope for Lent you run the very real risk of Grate-Anti Moly or that joker Bosco getting you a chocolate Pope for Easter. You'll be sick as a dog before you can get anywhere near the chocolate Luther.

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  14. Maybe you should give up the pope for length. Eternal length. Maybe but only maybe you have what it takes to become a defender of the Catholic Priesthood

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    1. As long as the Pope is not asking us to give up lent, advent, Xmas and Easter for a warm and fuzzy heap of feelgoodness and helpforthepoors...

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  15. Blimey! I didn't know the Pope was inflammable ... he'd better watch out for tongues of fire ..... and that, innit?

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  16. This blog and many others would never survive giving up the current Pope for the next 6 weeks, just wait and see!

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  17. And I wonder what Bosco would have to say about this idea?

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  18. I was considering following the example of a lady of my acquaintance who is giving up wine, on the grounds that she hardly ever drinks it anyway. However, my osteopath, who is even more infallible than the Pope, says that I have to get my weight down so I am giving up crisps. As to giving up the Pope, that is not necessary because I already develop a totally new Syndrome, ADHD-without-the-Hyperactivity, whenever I see the words "Pope" and "plane" and "journalists" in the same sentence. As for Card. Burke, Ad multos annos!

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  19. Have you given up your blog for Lent, Eccles? I hope not as we need your levity these days.

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    1. I may blog on some Sundays (but not today, sorry).

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  20. Am I alone in thinking that Sundays in Lent do not count as otherwise it lasts for 46 days not 40? After all it surely a good idea to indulge in a few drinks every Sunday as otherwise you might forget what you are missing during the week.

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  21. Now that we are partly through with Lent, I am finding that giving up the pope is easier than I thought. I now only have to believe what this pope says, well, that eliminates pretty much everything else anyone has taught throughout all the years. I anticipate a revised Bible consisting only of the words in red, making it a short read.
    And, as it turns out, I don't really have to even pay attention to this pope if I decide that I am at peace with God. which is pretty easy since I now have no rigid Traditionalista's concept of God.

    Chomp ! there go the ears of the rabbit...

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  22. England expects and we wait with baited breath as to whether Eccles will cheer us up on Laetare Sunday.

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