Tim Farron, widely tipped to be the next Prime Minister, gave a solemn promise today that he would reverse "Resurrexit", the historic event in the 1st century that redeemed mankind from the slavery of sin. "Of course I don't think that I can physically locate Jesus and push Him back into His tomb," he admitted, "but we never wanted a 'hard' Resurrexit, with Satan defeated and the powers of Hell put to flight. We expected 'business as usual', so I shall do all I can to reverse the consequences of that ill-advised decision."
Farron went on to explain that being an Anglican did not prevent him from having his own views on Good and Evil, and, frankly, Evil had a lot of points in its favour. "Christians accept that Satan exists, and we support the Right to Choose - to choose whether to back Satan's very attractive, and may I say, liberal, programme, or whether to go for the more authoritarian approach of bowing down to some unelected God."
The BBC, in particular, is very pleased to hear of Farron's change of heart, and his manifesto commitments to repeal the Ten Commandments ("Adultery is a long-standing Liberal tradition") and the Beatitudes ("'Blessed are the pure of heart, for they shall see God'? This didn't go down well with our focus groups.") Said John Humbug, the Radio 4 presenter, "Old-fashioned teaching like this has no place in the modern BBC - which is what really matters - and Tim would have had no chance at all of winning if he'd stuck to his principles."
Since Prime Minister Theresa May (Anglican), Jeremy Corbyn (Marxist with a dash of Islam) and Nicola Sturgeon (Only Scots go to Heaven) are broadly in agreement with Tim Farron on moral issues, it appears that there are no votes to be won this time round by considering questions of Good and Evil.
"Tim Farron's not going to like this, My Lord."